Week 12

Power Ranking
1. Drive By Tuckers
2. Bobby Bruton
2. Chiefs AF
4. Sack Lunch
5. Bush League
6. Adam's Legit Team
6. Grown Man's Poop
8. Fort Dix
9. Burning Sensations
10. Show me Your TD's
11. Southern Comfort
12. Noodle Soup


Hot Takes: Nut Cutting* week edition

- Going into Week 13, the final week of the regular season, there are 9 teams that at the very least haven't been eliminated from playoff contention. Three teams have clinched at least a spot (DBT, Bob and Grown man's poop), with Bob and Poop both in the running for the second first round bye at 8-4. Bob has the simplest path: If he wins, he gets the bye since it is unlikely that Poop will score enough points to overtake him in total points scored which is the first tie-breaker. But . . . 

- Let's say both Bob and Poop lose this week. That would mean at least one of the 7-5 teams would jump into a 3 way tie with them (by virtue of Dix playing Poop this week), and another (Chief AF) is a heavy favorite over the last place team. If ALL THREE 7-5 teams win, along with both Bob and Poop losing, we would have a 5 WAY TIE (record wise) for the final first round bye. In that scenario, Chiefs is in the best shape, thanks to their significant advantage in the all important total points scored. Conversely, from that group, Dix is the most unlikely due to being one of the crew of 7-5 and having the fewest points scored. 

-How about the teams that just want to get into the thunder dome that is the Funk Fantasy Football league playoffs. Sack Lunch, Adam's Legit Team and the Burning Sensations are all hanging around outside the top 6, just waiting for the chaos to erupt. The Sensations point total puts them in the most precarious situation due to their low point total, but they also finish with Show me your TD's (11th place). Adams Legit Team has another plum matchup, and Sack oculd really stir things up in one of the only matchups featuring contenders this week.

-All of that being said, based on the projections, here are your six playoff teams when the dust settles.

1. Drive By Tuckers

2. Grown Man's Poop

3. Chiefs AF

4. Bobby Bruton

5. Sack Lunch

6. Adam's Legit Team

- The nightmare Mo-vember thankfully comes to a close for Sack Lunch.

At the beginning of the month, Sack was dominating the league, multiple games up in the standings and a seemingly insurmountable lead in points scored. Now, after their fourth straight loss, Sack is currently on the outside looking in of the playoff picture. This is still the highest scoring team in the league (by a much smaller margin, however), but they are in danger of squandering what was a magical start to the year.

- Just a note on how wild this season has been, and the amount of firepower some teams are working with. The current record for points scored in a season is 115.29, by Grown Man's Poop last season***. There are currently SIX teams in our league that are on pace to beat that average, with the highest scoring team in the league this year likely being within a point of AVERAGING 130 points per game. 

Thats all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 13.

*A point in time in which extreme, drastic, or decisive action is required; a period, usually near the end of an endeavor,when pressure to succeed is most intense; crunch time. The phrase refers to having to cut a nut off or away from a bolt because rust has immobilized it to the point where there's no other way to remove it**. 

**Doesn't mean what you thought it did, does it?

***Yahoo keeps track of a record book. Yes, we have only been with them a few years, but I feel like this is pretty close to accurate based on when we added 1/2 point PPR. 

Week 11

Power Ranking
1. Drive by Tuckers
2. Bobby Bruton
2. Chiefs AF
4. Sack Lunch
5. Adam's Legit Team
6. Bush League
7. Grown Man's Poop
8. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
9. Burning Sensations
10. Southern Comfort
10. Noodle Soup
10. Show Me Your TD's

Game of the Week

Bobby Bruton 135 vs Sack Lunch 120

Yes, there were closer games, one in particular that involved two contending teams. But, this one felt like a big deal, considering their spot atop the standings (2nd and 3rd going into the week), and the firepower that both owners had at their disposal. And, as the only game anyone was paying attention to on Monday Night, these two did not disappoint, putting up the 2nd and 3rd highest scores of the week. In a game to stay in the running for one of the first round byes, Bob never trailed, and locked up his 4th straight win to remain tied atop the standings. Sack's position, on the other hand, becomes a little more precarious. In dropping their 3rd straight game, Sack drops into a 4 team tie at 6-5, which becomes more troubling to Sack when he realizes that two of these 6-5 teams won't make the playoffs. Now, Sack is in good shape as far as total points are concerned (leads the league), but probably wants to win these last two weeks to be safe, and a Gurley bye probably couldn't come at a worse time.

Hot Takes

- Well, Burning Sensations can probably be crossed off as a likely contender. . . maybe. Things are not looking good for the former champ. Yes, they are just one game behind all of the 6-5 teams, but they only have more points than one of them, meaning the Sensations either need to significantly outscore one of the other teams over the next few weeks in case of  a tie, or move ahead of TWO of those teams in the standings. All that being said, you know what would really add to the chaos that is our league this year? The Sensations tagging Sack Lunch with a fourth straight loss this week. If that happens, things will get REALLY weird.

- I don't think Poop's dream of being the lowest scoring team in the league and making the playoffs will come true, but he is definitely making a run at being the lowest scoring team IN the playoffs. If the season ended today he would be just that. His already charmed gets even more charmed in Week 12 as he draws Chiefs AF, the 2nd highest scoring team in the league, in a week when all of his Chiefs are on a bye. This leads to a game between two teams with identical records, where the team that has scored 260 more points on the season is a 12 point underdog. What a time to be alive. 

- Dix is officially in must win mode. They are one of the 6-5 teams, but their only shot is to win both of their last two games, and hope two of the other teams don't, because they aren't particularly close to the other three teams in points scored. Fortunately Dix draws 10th place and lowest scoring team in the league Southern Comfort in Wee  . . . what's that? Dix is an UNDERDOG to SoCo? By 35 points?

That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 12.

Week 10

Power Ranking
1. Sack Lunch
1. Drive by Tuckers
3. Chiefs AF
4. Bobby Bruton
5. Bush League
6. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
7. Adam's Legit Team
8. Grown Man's Poop
9. Burning Sensations
10. Southern Comfrot
10. Noodle Soup
10.Show me your TD's

Game of the Week
Grown man's poop 108.36 vs. Burning Sensations 91.86
There was only one game this week where the margin of victory was less than 40 points*, and it was between the 7th and 9th place teams. I guess Poop was able to hang around in the standings and extend its season? Their situation hasn't changed since last week, their only shot is still to keep winning due to their low point total. I guess this was a knock out blow to Burning Sensations postseason hopes? They are two games back of 6th place, and the only one of the contending team with less points scored is the aforementioned Poop.  All that being said, this just doesn't feel game of the week worthy to me.


Hot Takes
- Here comes Adam's Legit Team. They have felt a little like a forgotten team for most of the season, but this has been mostly due to bad luck. Even though the beat down they issued to Sack Lunch gets them just back to an even record**, they have the 4th most points in the league, and with a game against the 10th place team in the league coming up, and two of the teams immediately ahead of him playing each other, he could be ready to make a move.
-  One side effect of so many blowouts is that many of the contending teams ended up scoreboard watching and matching up against teams that they aren't even playing. For the first time all season, Sack is not in one of the top two spots, which are now taken by Bob and DBT, which started Week 10 with the same record and Bob having scored 1 more point on the season. This, in essence left Bob and DBT playing against each other to see who would take the top spot in the standings. 
- Bush League made a statement this week, reeling in Fort Dix to even record wise, and jumping Dix in the standings due to point scored. Most weeks a 130 point effort from a contending team would be more newsworthy, but this team is in a good spot heading into the home stretch. For Dix it's a little more dicey, as his margin for error just keeps getting smaller.
-There is a monster match-up waiting for us in Week 11 between Bob Bruton and Sack Lunch, who are 2nd and 3rd respectively going into the week. Sack has run into some bad fortune the past two weeks with a combine 324 points against. These two teams have almost identical point projections for Week 11. Will Sack rebound and take back his spot in the standings, or will Bob make sure his Bieber-like downward spiral continues?


That's all for this week, horrible luck to all of you in Week 11***

*I rounded up.
**They also came within 4 points of breaking the league record for points scored in one week.
***What in the Ass, it's already Week 11?!

Week 9

Power Ranking*
1. Sack Lunch
2. Bobby Bruton
3. Drive By Tuckers
4. Chiefs AF
5. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
6. Bush League
7. Adam's Legit Team
8. Grown Man's Poop
9. Burning Sensations
10. Southern Comfort
11. Noodle Soup
12. Show me your TD's


Game of the Week

Drive By Tuckers 151.92 vs Sack Lunch 92.38

DBT doesn't get mentioned much in the writeups, and don't expect to see them much here moving forward. But, a message was sent last week, to both the team that is still the 900 pound gorilla with a chainsaw for a penis **, and to the rest of the league***.

Hot Takes

-That thing that Bob did to Grown Man's Poop may have been the nail in the coffin for Poop. All season long poop had finagled his way through the season with low point totals. His stated goal for the season was to make the playoffs as the lowest scoring team in the league. Well, that is only possible if you keep winning, and this week Poop went off the rails. At first glance his record seems fine, in fact he is tied, record wise with the 5th and 6th place teams. He is significantly behind both teams, however in points scored, and would also be significantly behind all the 4-5 teams that are behind him as well. If he wants a chance poop needs to start scoring many, many more points, and hope for things to get really weird for the teams ahead of him.

-Fort Dix is actually a better version of Grown Man's Poop. Dix is squarely in the playoff picture, for the first time since joining the league, but needs to keep winning. He is tied for the best record, but has the lowest point total in the top 6, and has less than one team not in the top 6. Dix should be fine as long as he remembers: W.W.H.E.D?

-Looking ahead to next week, the most noteworthy game post-season wise is probably Bush League vs. Fort Dix. Bush is behind Dix in the standings but, like we said, has significantly fewer points. This is a big opportunity for both teams to make a Daniel Laruso like power move****.

-That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 10.

*The World's most advanced metric

**That would be Sack Lunch

***And that message is, "As soon as this publishes, Ezekial Elliot and Alving Kamara will suffer simultaneous knee injuries, Andrew Luck's shoulder will fall off, and Julio Jones will be suspended for being an alien mixed with a race horse".

****I'd call moving to a new school and stealing Johnny Lawrence's girl friend a power move.

Week 7

Power Ranking*
1. Sack Lunch 
2. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
3. Bush League
4. Bobby Bruton
5. Drive By Tuckers
5. Chiefs AF
7. Burning Sensations
8. Adam's Legit Team
9. Grown Man's Poop
10. Southern Comfort
11. Show me your TD's
12. Noodle Soup

Game of the Week
Sack Lunch 132.6 vs. SOUTHERN COMFORT 133.7
There's an old saying in literature that 'only amateurs and teenage girls write in all caps or use exclamations marks', but I bet the people that made that rule never saw the death star blow up.


Or saw Hulk Hogan body slam Andre the Giant

That's basically what happened when Sack went down to Southern Comfort. Yes, Southern Comfort, the former league champ, who was in the finals just two seasons ago,  has fallen on some Gary Glitter-like hard times , rose from the dead 

and for one week reminded us all what greatness looks like.

Hot Takes
- Other than the shocking upset mentioned above, it was a pretty wild week, score wise. Chiefs AF became the 2nd highest scoring team in the league in their blowout win over Bob, who was/is one of the teams in the running for a coveted first round bye. Despite the high point totals Chiefs is 3-4 and in 8th place. Because of those same high point totals don't expect them to stay down there much longer.
- Bush League and Drive By Tuckers are another example of teams that failed to capitalize on an opportunity to gain traction in the standings, as both teams put up the two lowest point totals in the league to lose to teams behind them in the standings. 
- Looking ahead to next week, Bobby Bruton vs Fort Dix stands out to me as the game of the week. Dix did take advantage of the chaos throughout the league to move back into the 2nd spot, but is a 9 point underdog to Bush League's daddy.
 That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 8.

* The world's most advanced metric
** There was surprisingly no gif for it. If you 

Week 6

Power Ranking

1. Sack Lunch
2. Bush League
3. Drive By Tuckers
4. Bobby Bruton
5. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
6. Chiefs AF
7. Burning Sensations
8. Adam's Legit Team
9. Grown Man's Poop
10. Show Me your TD's
11. Noodle Soup
11. Southern Comfort

Game of the Week
The closest game of the week was a 12 point win, and there were no match-ups that blew my skirt up. That means, for one week, this section changes to. . .

BDE performance of the week
This week's BDE* performance of the week goes to Chiefs AF, with 160.88 points.  That point total is the highest in the season in the league, and AF is the second highest scoring team in the league through the first six weeks. In a strange twist , AF is just 2-4 though, and in 9th place in the league. This brings up the age old question: does it really matter if you have a big . . . score if you don't know how to use it?

Hot Takes
- We are halfway through the regular season, and the playoff picture is starting to take shape. Everyone knows that Sack Lunch is off to a great start, and if the playoffs started tomorrow, would finish in first place with a first round bye. It is important to note that the team with the best record in the regular season has never won the title**. There are two very important races beyond that though, that involve most of the league. Four teams are tied at 4-2, one game behind Sack. The leader of this pack is Bush League, thanks to his point total, and right now he is in position for the other coveted first round bye. All of the 4-2 teams are within 42 total points of Bush, meaning . . . it is close.


- Really, when you look at it, 8 out of the 12 teams in the league are within one game of a first round bye. This will spread out over the next few weeks, but a league touted as the most elite collection of fantasy ballers (football or otherwise) in the world is living up to its hype.
- Looking ahead to Week 7, more movement in the standings could be coming. Bob is two games up on Chiefs AF, but AF is a 13 point favorite. Likewise with Adam's Legit team finding themselves behind Fort Dix in the standings, but and underdog in the projections. Either of those teams going down, not to mention a team like Drive by Tuckers getting upset by Grown Man's Poop, the standings could look very different on Tuesday morning.
That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 7.
*Google it
**I can already tell you that's not true

Week 5

We're back everyone

On to Week 5 . . .

Power Ranking
1. Sack Lunch
2. Bobby Bruton
3. Bush League
3. Fort Dix
5. Drive by Tuckers
6. Adam's Legit team
7. Burning Sensations
8. Chiefs AF
9. Show me your TD's
9. Southern Comfort
11. Grown Man's Poop
12. Noodle Soup

Game of the Week
Bobby Bruton 137.54 vs. Burning Sensations 125.68
Its not often you see a 12 point victory in the coveted game of the week space,  especially when there was a game that featured a .82 point margin of victory elsewhere in the league (more on that one later). Unpacking this one, just a little bit, shows that these were the two highest scores in the league this week, and included one team that is 2nd in the Power Ranking*. This one also included a massive comeback from Bob on Monday Night, receiving 30  from the two Saints on their team to ice this one. **This was the highest score of the season for both teams, with one of the teams not receiving an asterisk for relying on PED's to reach their lofty heights.

Hot Takes
- The aforementioned closest score of the week came from SoCo and Noodle Soup, which would have taken game of the week if they hadn't combined for fewer wins this season than three different teams in the league. 
- Is this the year for Sack Lunch? We have seen Sack have great drafts, and having the best keeper in the league over the past few years certainly doesn't hurt anything, but something always seems to get weird in keeping Sack from reaching his destiny. I'm not sure what the difference is this year, but Sack is looking big strong and powerful in running roughshod through the league through the first 5 weeks. 
- Standing wise, the most intriguing game of this week features Bush League against his daddy, Bobby Bruton.

Bob is a game higher in the standings, but is somehow a 10 point underdog in the early week projections. As the old saying goes, Bye weeks are a bitch.

That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 6.


*the world's most advanced metric
**We are going to ignore that 2 of those TD's came from a player who just came back from a suspension for being a cheater. Not important.

Week 2

Power Ranking


1. Sack Lunch (33)

2. Bush League (32)

2. Adam's Legit Team (32)

4. Bobby Bruton (28)

4. Drive By Tuckers (28)

6. Burning Sensations (23)

6. Chiefs AF (23)

8. Fort Dix (20)

8. Noodle Soup (20)

10. Grown Man's Poop (14)

11. Show me your TD's (5)

11. Southern Comfort (5)

Game of the Week

Fort Dix 83.74 vs. Grown man's Poop 83.64

There is really only one correct answer here, as it has to be the game that featured the closest score in league history*.  Don't worry about the fact that Dix would have only beaten one other team in the league last week, all that matters is that he beat the team that was in front of him. The most thrilling part of this match-up was that it was decided LATE in the Monday Nighter. Dix trailed by 11 points going into that game, but rode Russ Wilson and Chris Carson to a last second win over last season's league runner up. This is the best start to a season in franchise history for Dix, and they will look to keep the magic alive against Noodle Soup, who is #8 in the Power Ranking**, yet is somehow favored by 11 over Dix. 

Hot Takes

- Speaking of hot, two teams at the top of the Power Ranking** lit up the scoreboard this week. Sack did all of his work on Sunday, eschewing one of the most sacred tenets of Christianity, and held a 7 point lead going into MNF. Bush, Jordan Howard and Allen Robinson took over from there, putting up 21 points to walk away with a 15 point, comeback win.

-  Chiefs AF and Noodle Soup appeared to be playing, at first glance, different games this weekend. At 2nd glance. . . It doesn't get much better. Mahomes was the MVP of this week, as his 38 points accounted for 50% of Soup's point alone. 

- Looking ahead to next week, Bob Bruton, the #1 team in the Power Ranking** goes up against Adam's Legit Team, the #2 team in the Power Ranking**. If you are a betting man, Bob is listed, as-of-this-writing, as a 5 point underdog in this game as we see if Bob can hold on to the top spot. 

-That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 3

*Tell me i'm wrong. 

**The world's most advanced Metric

Week 1

Power Ranking:
1. Drive By Tuckers (36)
2. Sack Lunch (34)
3. Noodle Soup (30)
4. Bobby Bruton (26)
5. Fort Dix (22)
6. Adam's Legit team (21)
7. Grown Man's Poop (20)
8. Bush League (17)
9. Burning Sensations (13)
10. Show me your TD's (7)
11. Chiefs AF (5)
12. Southern Comfort (3)

Game of the week
Noodle Soup 119.2 vs Bush League 118.6
Nobody had to tell Soup and Bush that it was no longer the pre-season, as the two team locked up in the closest match-up of Week 1, that featured the 4th and 5th highest scoring teams in the league, and four lead changes. Tough luck for Bush, putting up that total and taking the L, but he wasn't the unluckiest team in the league, more on that later. This game was close headed into the Monday night double header, where things ended just as close as they started. Bush Went in with a narrow lead, only to watch Detroit record a pick 6 on the first play of the game to give Soup the lead. Going into the late game, all Bush needed was a good game from Brandon Cooks, who scored 11 points to get Bush close, right before Lady Destiny decided she'd had enough and went home alone. Great start for both teams, but unfortunately only one gets the all important Week 1 win.

Hot Takes
- The post championship hangover is real. No, not the fun one, full of antics and shenanigans.


The one where you are the defending champ, and you respond with the 2nd lowest point total in the league in Week 1, resulting in a 20 point loss to the team you just beat in the finals nine months ago.


No One expects Chiefs AF to stay down for long, but there is a reason that there have only been two back to back champs in league history.

-Adam's legit team is the hard luck loser this week. It's not often that a team can put up the 3rd highest score in the league and not come out on top.  Week 2 looks to be a little more forgiving with a game against the lowest scorer from Week 1, which the Legit Team goes into as a 15 point favorite.

-  Blowout of the week goes to Fort Dix thanks to their 33.68 point curb stomping of Southern Comfort. The MVP of this matchup is Douggie Baldwin and his big fat zero for Southern Comfort. 

-Looking ahead to the next week, the number off undefeated teams will decrease by two with the two matchups featuring undefeated teams. However, the most interesting game of the week is an early season Rivalry Week between Bush League and Sack Lunch. Sack is favored by 5, but Bush gains 4.5 points for the intangible of not wanting to start 0-2.

That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 2.

Season Preview

To my knowledge, in this space last year (well not this exact space, but one very similar), no one predicted that Chiefs AF and Grown Man's Poop would meet in the finals, with Chiefs AF coming out on top. Literally nothing in those two franchises history suggested that they could scale the summit that is the most elite fantasy football league in the world. Not each team's multiple playoff and finals appearances, not even the combined four league championships by these teams. Instead, they turned the league on it's head, and wrestled all the attention from the traditional league favorites Sack lunch, and Show me your TD's, who uncharacteristically pissed away the consensus best drafts in the league last year. All of this, quickly and concisely, leads us to this year's season preview. As always, teams are listed in random order, based on how good I think they are*. Cheers.

The Champ: Chiefs AF
For one week, at least, Chiefs AF are in this spot because . . .

to be the man, you've got to beat the man.

The Favorite: Sack Lunch
Last year's pre-season favorite is back in the same spot. This year's projected highest scoring team went big in the draft, adding consensus #1 pick Todd Gurley to the biggest keeper-lottery-ticket ever in David Johnson. Three-Leg Greg and Mike Evans are also potential top 5 players at their position, and if Cameron Jerrell Newton continues his every-other-year-is-good pattern, Sack could return to the playoffs (for the first time ever) with a first round bye.


The Contenders: Grown Man's Poop, Adam's Legit Team, Noodle Soup
These are the teams that should be in the running for the remaining first round bye, assuming Sack Lunch's gag reflex doesn't comes back causing him to choke it away**.  ALT was the champ just two seasons ago, and Poop made it all the way to the finals last year, so these are two franchises that are used to success. Poop's eyes are no doubt watching the status of prized keeper Leveon Bell, but I doubt he's very nervous. Poop has been through this before with him. Leveon takes too much glaucoma medicine, forgets to go to camp, remembers camp, leads the league in total yards, Poop does good.



Another Steeler, with much less drama surrounding him, is the anchor for ALT.Antonio Brown leads the way, along with Christian McCaffery, and two other players who have a shot at breakout years in Ertz and the Rams D. If those two pop, ALT has a shot at the tops player at WR, TE and Team Defense.
Noodle Soup has built the team around what may be the top starting WR duo in the league. That to go along with one of the 4 or 5 RBs that has a legitimate shot at #1 at that position (Elliot) is enough to put Soup in the group of teams that should be safely in the playoffs, even with average in season management.

Playoff teams: Bush League, Bobby Bruton, Southern Comfort
Bush League and his father populate the tier of team that will likely contend for a playoff spot, but a first round bye MAY not be realistic.
Bush has gone back to his tried and true formula of no one that probably qualifies as a true blue-chipper, lots of second tier guys that he can plug and play as he sees fit. sure he has had some forgettable years, but he is also a multiple time champ, and is coming off of a 3rd place finish last year, so Bush, you do you.
True, Bobby's team might take a little bit of the imagination to see in the play-offs, but discount this owner at your own peril. Bobby's fantasy football strategy might best be described by saying he's like the guy that played Tecmo Bowl, and would give the ball to Bo Jackson, then run back to his own end zone just so he could turn around and have a 100 yard TD run.


Again, we've been here before, and everyone has seen this owner turn a less than inspiring draft into a team that makes it to the top of the power ranking.
Southern Comfort has your QB! There is talent among this team's starters. Watson has potential to be a top QB, there are two good WR's, and Jimmy Graham could end up as a great keeper. However the RB's are thin, as is the depth everywhere except QB. The good QB's on this roster do mean that he is probably just a trade away from easing some of those concerns.

5 year plan: Show me your TD's, FDFT,  Burning Sensations
Guys, I'm not saying you should start trading your players for keepers DEFINITELY, but maybe just marinate on it a little bit. I could see any of these teams moving up a tier or two, but for right now I need to see the fight.
Show me your TD's got off to the best start of his career last year, then got a little light headed from the altitude. There is a strong QB here, and Freeman has been a TD machine in the past, so this has potential to be a pesky team throughout the season.
Fort Dix is pretty similar to aforementioned Southern Comfort. Great QB, great WR, probably needs to make a trade somewhere or hit on a Waiver find to move up a tier.
If this was 3 years ago, I'd feel  a lot better about the Burning Sensations, because back then Jordy Nelson was GREAT, and would pair up nicely with Aaron Rodgers. of course if this was three years ago, Saquon Barkley would still be in High School, which would lower his ceiling considerably.

That is all for now, Power Ranking will debut next week, and horrible luck to all of you this season.




*Yahoos projected total points for the season and projected record where also glanced at. (by standings, where it says current standings, click the drop down and look at projections.)
**A good gag reflex really is a skill that you lose if you don't use.