Week 12

Power Ranking
1. Drive By Tuckers
2. Bobby Bruton
2. Chiefs AF
4. Sack Lunch
5. Bush League
6. Adam's Legit Team
6. Grown Man's Poop
8. Fort Dix
9. Burning Sensations
10. Show me Your TD's
11. Southern Comfort
12. Noodle Soup


Hot Takes: Nut Cutting* week edition

- Going into Week 13, the final week of the regular season, there are 9 teams that at the very least haven't been eliminated from playoff contention. Three teams have clinched at least a spot (DBT, Bob and Grown man's poop), with Bob and Poop both in the running for the second first round bye at 8-4. Bob has the simplest path: If he wins, he gets the bye since it is unlikely that Poop will score enough points to overtake him in total points scored which is the first tie-breaker. But . . . 

- Let's say both Bob and Poop lose this week. That would mean at least one of the 7-5 teams would jump into a 3 way tie with them (by virtue of Dix playing Poop this week), and another (Chief AF) is a heavy favorite over the last place team. If ALL THREE 7-5 teams win, along with both Bob and Poop losing, we would have a 5 WAY TIE (record wise) for the final first round bye. In that scenario, Chiefs is in the best shape, thanks to their significant advantage in the all important total points scored. Conversely, from that group, Dix is the most unlikely due to being one of the crew of 7-5 and having the fewest points scored. 

-How about the teams that just want to get into the thunder dome that is the Funk Fantasy Football league playoffs. Sack Lunch, Adam's Legit Team and the Burning Sensations are all hanging around outside the top 6, just waiting for the chaos to erupt. The Sensations point total puts them in the most precarious situation due to their low point total, but they also finish with Show me your TD's (11th place). Adams Legit Team has another plum matchup, and Sack oculd really stir things up in one of the only matchups featuring contenders this week.

-All of that being said, based on the projections, here are your six playoff teams when the dust settles.

1. Drive By Tuckers

2. Grown Man's Poop

3. Chiefs AF

4. Bobby Bruton

5. Sack Lunch

6. Adam's Legit Team

- The nightmare Mo-vember thankfully comes to a close for Sack Lunch.

At the beginning of the month, Sack was dominating the league, multiple games up in the standings and a seemingly insurmountable lead in points scored. Now, after their fourth straight loss, Sack is currently on the outside looking in of the playoff picture. This is still the highest scoring team in the league (by a much smaller margin, however), but they are in danger of squandering what was a magical start to the year.

- Just a note on how wild this season has been, and the amount of firepower some teams are working with. The current record for points scored in a season is 115.29, by Grown Man's Poop last season***. There are currently SIX teams in our league that are on pace to beat that average, with the highest scoring team in the league this year likely being within a point of AVERAGING 130 points per game. 

Thats all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 13.

*A point in time in which extreme, drastic, or decisive action is required; a period, usually near the end of an endeavor,when pressure to succeed is most intense; crunch time. The phrase refers to having to cut a nut off or away from a bolt because rust has immobilized it to the point where there's no other way to remove it**. 

**Doesn't mean what you thought it did, does it?

***Yahoo keeps track of a record book. Yes, we have only been with them a few years, but I feel like this is pretty close to accurate based on when we added 1/2 point PPR. 

Week 11

Power Ranking
1. Drive by Tuckers
2. Bobby Bruton
2. Chiefs AF
4. Sack Lunch
5. Adam's Legit Team
6. Bush League
7. Grown Man's Poop
8. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
9. Burning Sensations
10. Southern Comfort
10. Noodle Soup
10. Show Me Your TD's

Game of the Week

Bobby Bruton 135 vs Sack Lunch 120

Yes, there were closer games, one in particular that involved two contending teams. But, this one felt like a big deal, considering their spot atop the standings (2nd and 3rd going into the week), and the firepower that both owners had at their disposal. And, as the only game anyone was paying attention to on Monday Night, these two did not disappoint, putting up the 2nd and 3rd highest scores of the week. In a game to stay in the running for one of the first round byes, Bob never trailed, and locked up his 4th straight win to remain tied atop the standings. Sack's position, on the other hand, becomes a little more precarious. In dropping their 3rd straight game, Sack drops into a 4 team tie at 6-5, which becomes more troubling to Sack when he realizes that two of these 6-5 teams won't make the playoffs. Now, Sack is in good shape as far as total points are concerned (leads the league), but probably wants to win these last two weeks to be safe, and a Gurley bye probably couldn't come at a worse time.

Hot Takes

- Well, Burning Sensations can probably be crossed off as a likely contender. . . maybe. Things are not looking good for the former champ. Yes, they are just one game behind all of the 6-5 teams, but they only have more points than one of them, meaning the Sensations either need to significantly outscore one of the other teams over the next few weeks in case of  a tie, or move ahead of TWO of those teams in the standings. All that being said, you know what would really add to the chaos that is our league this year? The Sensations tagging Sack Lunch with a fourth straight loss this week. If that happens, things will get REALLY weird.

- I don't think Poop's dream of being the lowest scoring team in the league and making the playoffs will come true, but he is definitely making a run at being the lowest scoring team IN the playoffs. If the season ended today he would be just that. His already charmed gets even more charmed in Week 12 as he draws Chiefs AF, the 2nd highest scoring team in the league, in a week when all of his Chiefs are on a bye. This leads to a game between two teams with identical records, where the team that has scored 260 more points on the season is a 12 point underdog. What a time to be alive. 

- Dix is officially in must win mode. They are one of the 6-5 teams, but their only shot is to win both of their last two games, and hope two of the other teams don't, because they aren't particularly close to the other three teams in points scored. Fortunately Dix draws 10th place and lowest scoring team in the league Southern Comfort in Wee  . . . what's that? Dix is an UNDERDOG to SoCo? By 35 points?

That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 12.

Week 10

Power Ranking
1. Sack Lunch
1. Drive by Tuckers
3. Chiefs AF
4. Bobby Bruton
5. Bush League
6. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
7. Adam's Legit Team
8. Grown Man's Poop
9. Burning Sensations
10. Southern Comfrot
10. Noodle Soup
10.Show me your TD's

Game of the Week
Grown man's poop 108.36 vs. Burning Sensations 91.86
There was only one game this week where the margin of victory was less than 40 points*, and it was between the 7th and 9th place teams. I guess Poop was able to hang around in the standings and extend its season? Their situation hasn't changed since last week, their only shot is still to keep winning due to their low point total. I guess this was a knock out blow to Burning Sensations postseason hopes? They are two games back of 6th place, and the only one of the contending team with less points scored is the aforementioned Poop.  All that being said, this just doesn't feel game of the week worthy to me.


Hot Takes
- Here comes Adam's Legit Team. They have felt a little like a forgotten team for most of the season, but this has been mostly due to bad luck. Even though the beat down they issued to Sack Lunch gets them just back to an even record**, they have the 4th most points in the league, and with a game against the 10th place team in the league coming up, and two of the teams immediately ahead of him playing each other, he could be ready to make a move.
-  One side effect of so many blowouts is that many of the contending teams ended up scoreboard watching and matching up against teams that they aren't even playing. For the first time all season, Sack is not in one of the top two spots, which are now taken by Bob and DBT, which started Week 10 with the same record and Bob having scored 1 more point on the season. This, in essence left Bob and DBT playing against each other to see who would take the top spot in the standings. 
- Bush League made a statement this week, reeling in Fort Dix to even record wise, and jumping Dix in the standings due to point scored. Most weeks a 130 point effort from a contending team would be more newsworthy, but this team is in a good spot heading into the home stretch. For Dix it's a little more dicey, as his margin for error just keeps getting smaller.
-There is a monster match-up waiting for us in Week 11 between Bob Bruton and Sack Lunch, who are 2nd and 3rd respectively going into the week. Sack has run into some bad fortune the past two weeks with a combine 324 points against. These two teams have almost identical point projections for Week 11. Will Sack rebound and take back his spot in the standings, or will Bob make sure his Bieber-like downward spiral continues?


That's all for this week, horrible luck to all of you in Week 11***

*I rounded up.
**They also came within 4 points of breaking the league record for points scored in one week.
***What in the Ass, it's already Week 11?!

Week 9

Power Ranking*
1. Sack Lunch
2. Bobby Bruton
3. Drive By Tuckers
4. Chiefs AF
5. Fort Dix Fuzzy Tacos
6. Bush League
7. Adam's Legit Team
8. Grown Man's Poop
9. Burning Sensations
10. Southern Comfort
11. Noodle Soup
12. Show me your TD's


Game of the Week

Drive By Tuckers 151.92 vs Sack Lunch 92.38

DBT doesn't get mentioned much in the writeups, and don't expect to see them much here moving forward. But, a message was sent last week, to both the team that is still the 900 pound gorilla with a chainsaw for a penis **, and to the rest of the league***.

Hot Takes

-That thing that Bob did to Grown Man's Poop may have been the nail in the coffin for Poop. All season long poop had finagled his way through the season with low point totals. His stated goal for the season was to make the playoffs as the lowest scoring team in the league. Well, that is only possible if you keep winning, and this week Poop went off the rails. At first glance his record seems fine, in fact he is tied, record wise with the 5th and 6th place teams. He is significantly behind both teams, however in points scored, and would also be significantly behind all the 4-5 teams that are behind him as well. If he wants a chance poop needs to start scoring many, many more points, and hope for things to get really weird for the teams ahead of him.

-Fort Dix is actually a better version of Grown Man's Poop. Dix is squarely in the playoff picture, for the first time since joining the league, but needs to keep winning. He is tied for the best record, but has the lowest point total in the top 6, and has less than one team not in the top 6. Dix should be fine as long as he remembers: W.W.H.E.D?

-Looking ahead to next week, the most noteworthy game post-season wise is probably Bush League vs. Fort Dix. Bush is behind Dix in the standings but, like we said, has significantly fewer points. This is a big opportunity for both teams to make a Daniel Laruso like power move****.

-That's all for this week. Horrible luck to all of you in Week 10.

*The World's most advanced metric

**That would be Sack Lunch

***And that message is, "As soon as this publishes, Ezekial Elliot and Alving Kamara will suffer simultaneous knee injuries, Andrew Luck's shoulder will fall off, and Julio Jones will be suspended for being an alien mixed with a race horse".

****I'd call moving to a new school and stealing Johnny Lawrence's girl friend a power move.